Well, hello. It certainly seems like it’s been a hot minute since I was round these parts. For the best part of a year I’ve been silent over here. Strangely coincides with the arrival of a new website I started with two of my friends (ForceMujer.co.uk, but I think maybe there’s more to it than that.
For a long time I wanted to make writing my ‘thing’. You know, the thing that I’m good at, that people know me for. I wanted a post to go viral. To become well known and maybe even make some money out of writing, because fundamentally I love to write. When I was younger and going through the teenage angst that we all experience, I used to cope with it by writing it out. It’s always been my go-to. Even now, at the grand old age of 34 (so, so close to 35!), I turn to writing to work through my feelings. It’s always been there for me as my sounding board. It doesn’t judge, it doesn’t offer advice (that I mostly don’t want to hear because I’m stubborn) and it doesn’t tell me what to do (again because I’m stubborn). I’ve realised that I don’t ask people for advice when I’m going through stuff. I remember a good friend at uni had doubted our friendship because she said I didn’t talk to her about the things that were stressing me out. I haven’t ever needed to, because I had pen and paper and words.
In starting this blog I hoped that it would become something so I wrote what I thought people might want to read. Who those people are, I don’t know. I never really considered who my audience might be. The fact that most people who read this blog are people I know in real life and are from all walks of life and probably don’t really care what books I’ve read or what I’m doing at the gym at the moment. I desperately tried to find a niche; maybe I’d be a book blogger, maybe I’d write about environment things, maybe fitness? Whenever I wrote something I’d check the analytics to see how good that post had done compared to others as this would give me an indication of what my readers liked me writing. In doing all this I stopped writing just because I wanted to write. I stopped writing out of the pure enjoyment of putting pen to paper and manipulating words to express my thoughts and feelings in a way that sparked something in me.
I was also afraid of failure. I worried that people would be reading my posts and thinking I was a terrible writer. Imagine being told that you’re not good enough to do the thing you love doing? No one ever has, but I imagined all these people speaking behind my back saying cruel things about my work. A few people have mentioned my blog to me and I’ve heard condescending tones in their voices, whether they were there or not I don’t know.
Therefore, in true, new year new me style, I’m going to stop caring what other people think and do things that I love because I love doing them. I’m not going to commit to posting X posts per week. I’ll write when and if I find something I want to write about. I won’t try to find my niche anymore, because I love writing about so many things, opinion pieces, book or film reviews, fitness, food, posts about living more consciously or maybe just my thoughts that particular day. I’m going to stop caring what everyone else thinks of me. I’ve seen a quote floating around social media for a while now that says, people are going to judge you regardless of what you do. Not doing what I want to do because I’m afraid of failure or judgement means I’m not feeling fulfilled in every aspect of my life.
So this year, I’m going to write more blog posts, I’m going to take pictures more and hopefully make photography one of my side hustles. I’m also going to train as a personal trainer, so expect some fitness related content on here as I go. I may even make some YouTube videos, because documenting my life in this way means I’ll always have the memories to look back on (and those who know me know that my memory SUCKS so I need the help).
These are not new years resolutions, they are plans. I don’t stick to new years resolutions so I won’t risk these on something so unstable. My resolution for 2020 had been to stretch every day. It’s currently the 10th and I haven’t even managed one day! Maybe 2020 will start in Feb for me…
So welcome back to my blog, I hope you like it. But I don’t care if you don’t.