I came into 2017 under the shadow of a break up and that sad feeling seems to have lingered through the year. I’ve been very lucky this year with all the travel I’ve been able to do, but in many other aspects of my life I’ve felt somewhat stilted. Yes, I was also promoted at work this year, but that came on the back of my not getting a bigger promotion. It’s hard when you set your sights on a goal and find you’re not quite good enough. I moved house too, I live with one of my closest friends now and two other housemates who now thankfully feel like family. But the reason I moved was because my old housemates moved in with their boyfriends or bought their own places. Everyone was moving on or forward and I was moving sideways. Visiting five countries unfortunately came at a cost too; I wasn’t able to visit home as often as I’d like and seem to be really feeling all 400 miles between Bristol and my home town. My beautiful nephews are growing up and I’m missing it. I’ve also felt slightly detached from friends at home. Long distance friendships are hard. You go from spending all of your free time together to squeezing in text messages and phone calls in between work and social commitments. Suddenly you don’t know every aspect of each other’s lives anymore, only the edited highlights.
I’ve mentioned before on here the difficulties I have with Christmas and I won’t go into them again, but this year (and actually last year) I took the pressure off and just let myself enjoy. The fact that I hadn’t seen my friends or family in nearly six months meant that I was so happy to see everyone and spend time with them that Christmas seemed almost a secondary reason to why I was there.
Now we have the impending new year. 2018. Growing up my mum always made a big deal of new years day. It was the last day of the festivities and we’d have a big family meal; usually steak pie, I think? Well, that doesn’t really happen anymore either, mainly because I spend new year in Bristol, but on new years day when friends here pop off home to see their families I’d be left on my own binge watching Netflix and eating pizza.
Well, I have made the decision to stop wallowing. I had a lovely Christmas with my family and catching up with my girls and now I’m planning new year with some of my Bristol friends. And who cares if I spend new years day on my own. I’ll just make an effort to make it productive by writing blog posts, working on my book, or other ways I can girl boss my way through 2018.
I’ve also taken the decision to stop using dating apps in 2018. When I split up with my ex I can remember re-downloading Tinder and cried as I swiped. Well, I think that should have been a sign. That’s how miserable they make me. Nothing reminds you more of being single these days than swiping right only to reveal you’ve not matched! So instead I’m going to spend my time doing the things that make me happy, like going back to life drawing classes, working on being able to do those push ups, finally, or taking day trips to pretty places where I can take the perfect Instagram picture. And setting aside time regularly to catch up with my girls back home, so I don’t lose track of their lives and they don’t lose track of mine.
So I guess 2018 is more about me and re-addressing my attitude. I don’t want to feel sad when I see my friends moving on with their lives. They say you can’t switch off your emotions, but you can choose to be more positive and that’s what I intend to do next year.