So you’re getting ready for a first date. You’ve spent longer than usual styling your hair so that it looks like you’ve tried, but you know, not too hard. You’ve perfected your winged eyeliner, it may have taken you four attempts but now you’ve nailed it. You’ve picked out your classic date outfit, navy blue spotted dress with black tights and ankle boots – no heels, you’re not sure how tall he is. You grab your purse and keys and head out the door. I bet you have butterflies, don’t you? You’ve got that mix of excitement and nerves. Will he fancy you? Will you fancy him? Will you have enough to talk about? Is this the start of something?
I do that too. Take extra time on my hair and make up and pick out a nice outfit that flatters my shape and makes me feel confident and attractive. I’ll grab my purse and keys and head out the door, but I could be going to meet my friend for a drink. You see, I don’t get nervous on first dates anymore…
Remember, way back when, before the days of dating apps or even before internet dating was a thing, you’d meet a guy in a bar or through a friend and you’d know that there was a spark. Why else would you have agreed to go on the date? But it’s different when you meet someone online, so this is why I no longer get nervous on first dates.
- If I really wanted to, I could go on a date a week (I was going to say a date a day, but thought that would make me sound arrogant!) perhaps I’m desensitised to it??
- I don’t fancy anyone, so there’s a very good chance I won’t fancy this guy. There’s no reason to be nervous when you’re not emotionally invested!
- I have a dating uniform. I always wear the same kind of outfit when I go on dates. Arguably, it doesn’t work cause I’m still single, but it means I don’t get stressed about what to wear!
- I also have a first date bar. It’s a nice little bar, a little bit classy but I can comfortably drink a pint in there. I stopped using it for a while thinking that all the bad first dates I’d had in there had maybe jinxed it. But I caved on the last date I went on and opted for my favourite date bar and actually had a really lovely time. Dating bar, you’ve restored my faith in you.
- I have had some TERRIBLE first dates. So walking out the door to another one and I know that if I’ve survived those then I can survive anything.
- I have low expectations. I can’t be disappointed. One day I hope I’ll be pleasantly surprised.
- If it’s a Tinder or PoF date then chances are we’ll have been talking for a couple of weeks prior to the date, so we’ll have talking points already. And if it’s dragged on too long before the date then I’ll have grown bored so won’t care much about the date anymore.
- I always schedule dates for weeknights; ‘I have to be home by 10.30pm cause I get up so early for work’. I go in with a get out clause at the ready, just in case I need it.
Reading back this list I actually think that it reads like a list of reasons why I’m still single! Oh well, maybe that’s true! Maybe I’m just tired of dating, I often think back to a Charlotte quote from SATC; ‘I’ve been dating since I was 15. I’m exhausted! Where is he?!’ Oh girl, how many of us can relate to that!? And Charlotte didn’t even have Tinder! (Can we just take a moment to imagine how funny SATC would have been with Tinder… Oh Samantha!) Maybe the day I head out on a date and feel butterflies will be a sign that I’m going to like him. Maybe I’m not meant to meet a man online, I’ll have one of those ‘meet cutes’ like in the movies where I’ll drop my library book and Mr Right will bend down to pick it up at exactly the same time I do and our eyes will meet… Or maybe he’ll just offer to buy me a drink in a bar.
So next time you go on a first date make sure you relish those butterflies, really feel the excitement. You don’t know how lucky you are!
If you liked this, you may also like Why Tinder has ruined dating for me.