How NOT to break the ice.

My PoF
Screen grab of my Plenty of FIsh profile. Look how many people want to meet me!


If you’re single, chances are you’ve tried online dating. With so many sites to choose from; Tinder, Plenty of Fish, OkCupid, Match, My Single Friend… the list is endless. There are even sites for people with more niche tastes, hello uniform… With all these sites comes a myriad of potential suitors for you to peruse at your leisure. Once you’ve found someone nice, good picture, likes the same long walks on the beach as you, has the same family values, all that’s left to do is send a message. Break the ice. Open up the lines of communication. Easy, right? Er… no. I opened this up to a few of my single girlfriends; what is the worst opening message you have received on an online dating site? Here are a few examples of the best (or should I say worst…?)

1. Congratulations, you’re my second match of the day!

Wow. Thanks.

2. Hi, random question. Do you have nice feet?

I don’t even want to ask why.

3. Are you interested in making £300?

Again, I don’t even want to ask.

4. What’s brass and sounds like Tom Jones?

This wasn’t one of mine. My friend didn’t reply so we don’t know the answer. Anyone?

5. We’re an attractive couple looking to add something exciting to add to our relationship…

Er… no.

6. If I was God, I’d remove all the chairs so you would have no choice but to sit on my face.

This was one of mine, I cringed even typing it. Sorry mum!

7. Wow, you look luvly.

Or other LOVELY statements peppered with typing errors/bad spelling/text speak.

8. Hi xx

Come on, give me something to work with

9. Hypothetical question: you drive past a beach in the middle. No one is around and the sea is pretty calm. Do you: a) go for a swim, b) drive off in your warm car, c) Go and get some chips and curry sauce followed by an ice cream?

I am sure this is a serious psychological question, but I’d be worried what my answer would tell you about my personality!

10. ‘Hi, you look nice!’

No response.

‘You know, it’s really rude to ignore people.’

No response.

‘Well f*ck you, it’s not like there aren’t any other hot women on here. Why the f*ck would I need you to respond anyway?!’

Yeah, I was on holiday mate. BLOCK.

Yep, this has happened and said person was promptly blocked. Obviously, this is just my opinion on what makes a good or bad opening message and some girls may like some of my examples. But for me, show me you’ve read the profile I’ve taken time to write, ask me about my interests, tell me if you have similar ones. My friend loves men who can make her laugh, funnily enough she’s the one who suggested the Tom Jones joke above be added to this list (seriously, if anyone knows the punchline, can you let me know?!), but I like a joke! But by far the worst messages for me are the dirty messages, I mean seriously, do they work for anyone?!

Maybe we’re being too hard on men? We expect them to send the first message and slate/ignore them when we do. I’m not sure I’d come up with anything better if I was to ‘break the ice’. Who knows, online dating is a minefield and I’m sitting on an iceberg. Yeah, work that one out.

5 thoughts on “How NOT to break the ice.

  1. Here’s one I Just got today: “Your to pretty to be on a dating website!” its like, thanks, it must be my shitty personality then… Glad to know I’m not the only one getting messaged by incompetent little boys.


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